Feel Good

How I wish I could express myself  in words pretty well and never get tired or ashamed of reading this post over and over again. Just when I lost phrases and sentences to write, all of the ideas that ran through my mind were all gone.  I just feel good. REAL GOOD. I don’t know if this is because I have paid all of my bills on time, or my husband calls me everyday, or I just can simply ignore a silly, gayish laugh from someone I loathe so much and feel really good again. Heheh.

They say that what you feel inside goes out and show through the aura that you wear. I’m wearing a somewhat problem-free one and when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel complete. Technically,  I am not complete, but I just don’t know, I feel otherwise.

I read a blog about a fireworks-inspired love yesterday, and I felt like crying as to how the blogger shares to the world how he feels for his partner. I read romance pocketbooks and I continue on falling in love with my husband. His ways are way too far compared to the male characters who grace the stories in the books with their sweetest mantras, their very well-described desires for their women, and their manly physical attributes. I thought I was pregnant upon feeling this pleasant situation, but I’m not. I just realized, I love my husband to the bones and from deep down my hypothalamus. I love him unconditionally.

This is a random thought, so maybe this feeling good phenomenon is because of Twilight. I revisited the movie, and I’m currently reading New Moon to refresh my memories and to get ready for the sequel of the saga. Maybe I feel good because of the undying love in the story.

Or maybe I feel good because I just feel good? I’m feeling complete, I feel love in my system. I feel peaceful.

 

He’s going. It’s final. Time to let go.

My husband’s going to Manila this Sunday. It will be his final “going to Manila” hoopla and I don’t know how I will feel. His first Manila trip since he came last May was June 29th. I cried for that even though I knew that he would come back after 1-2 weeks. 2nd trip to Manila was last August 10, I thought that would be the last trip away from me. The feeling I felt for that, I thought, was the worst I have ever had. Maybe one of it’s causes was I got sick I had to consult a doctor. Miracle happened that his boss allowed him to come home a week after August 10th. He came back home August 18th.

I don’t know how I will feel and experience if he goes to Manila on Sunday. I think it will be worst of the worst. So, what would I call that? HELL? Haaay…

 

on moving on

Now, this is a true entry. I don’t mean any joke in here or any dedication to someone I know who is trying to do the process, but still cannot, because she’s still inlove.

I have been in the same situation as her one last time. I thought I could not do it, but I did, and it was successful. It’s not an easy emotion and process that somebody has to get through but step by step and slowly, but surely, a person who tries to move on and means it, really moves on.

When I first heard of my ex dating someone now, I was a bit shocked and felt unexplainable at the beginning. So a friend says, you’ll only realize that you’re already over your ex, when you can picture him out holding somebody else’s hands. Maybe that unexplainable feeling explained it all. Hahah. I’ve moved on, I then said, glad that he has moved on. After all that had happened to both of us, all I ever wished for, is for him to be happy as I am right now.

The LOVE that we have felt was true.  It will last forever but it would never be enough to sustain us when we were together.  So, its just to say that both of us have already found and ended with the closure that we have been seeking for all this while.

 

why I would wanna grow old with this someone

I have sworn one time to a cousin, that if this someone I love would have all the guts to ask me to marry him right away (right away like now), I would really say yes.  I have sworn that statement even when we were just flings, not boyfriends and girlfriends yet. And I kept what I have sworn and promised. I said YES right away when he asked me to marry him.

And the BIG question now, why did I decide so immediately. I remembered my little sister advising me to never ever make a concrete decision when you’re too sad or TOO HAPPY. I’ve never been so happy when he proposed. I was like floating in cloud 9 and my head was like wringing and I knew right away that any person in this world cannot decide properly when he/she is in his/her extremest of emotions. BUT I STILL SAID YES. At first, I wasn’t sure about it, but then as time went by, realizations went by, that extreme emotion I have felt led me to the right decision.

I was asked by a friend why I’ve ever made that decision, when my ex-boyfriend asked me to marry him, I didn’t even have to think twice to say NO. I answered her, this someone I love now, I know will take care of me. And then she reacted, the number one reason why I’m marrying this someone is becaue of SECURITY. Security is, according to a Psycology graduate friend, the top-ranking result of their research about what women want from their men. Well, I thought, it is true and it is right. My Psychology graduate friend, graduated and passed their thesis.

My mother’s point of view which really dazzled me, she said that I made this decision because I don’t want any more crap from my previous relationship and I just wanted freedom from it. She’s also right. And TRUE, I just don’t want to be bothered by my stupid past anymore and I just want a new, free life.

BUT, here’s what I truthfully feel about this all brou-ha-ha. I wanna end up with this someone special because I just LOVE him that much I could not find anyone much more worthy of how I feel. He has always been a dream for me that I said YES right away when he proposed. And that proposal just happened eventhough he wasn’t yet my boyfriend! See the magic in there? That’s how I feel for him. That’s how I feel whenever I am with him.

 

what I would say on A wedding day

A rise from hibernation, I know it’s already January and my last post in my wordpress was like decades ago. Sorry. Got no time, or shall I say had a lot of time for the holidays and never had a time for my web-based expressions. So here it is now.

I don’t know if the words that I will say will be said in my own wedding or what I wish I would hear from other brides’ mouths during their wedding day. Maybe after I’ll say these words, I’ll be overwhelmed and snap out.

To the one I love, I know, long-distance relationships have the record holding a not so long moment of two lovers being together. They always end up throwing that long-distance to the trash can. (I know, this is gonna be my speech!) But I believe, in a year, we’ll stop talking on a phone and just be with each other for like two-three months. Not bad enough.

I know that I was inlove with you when I was just 13 or 14 years old. And I never realized, I’ll be more inlove with you when I became 23. Ten years of carrying that feeling inside me and it never faded away. A lot of moments may have covered that feeling, but it never failed to fade. Now that I know that you’ll be mine forever, I can’t stop thanking God. And I can’t stop thanking my inner, childish self for not stopping on loving you. Tomorrow will be just another day, but for the both of us, it will not be me and you anymore. It will be US.

And now, I know you’ll have no more words to say. Just as Carrie told Big in Sex and the City, just say, “I will love you”.

And I WILL LOVE YOU, too, forever.

 

and we met again

i saw them, i ran for my life.

and i left you there. good thing you were excellent at following me.

 

surprise, surprise!

never mind the “death threats” that my mother has been throwing on me. i know that I am loving someone who has done some unacceptable deeds to me and my family but who am i to not forgive him? I LOVE HIM. Sometimes, we just do not accept the fact that we can forgive and love again because the damage that has been etched in us can never be repaired.

He is subject to change all the bad things that have been hanging on his shirt.  If he’s gonna hurt me again, then it will going be all my fault. But I am seeing good in him.

he was suppose to surprise me this coming Saturday. but a certain circumstance is gonna happen that it wouldn’t be possible to materialize. MY SISTER IS GONNA GET MARRIED! so the surprise which I undoubtedly acquired from a bet on the Pacquiao-Marquez Unfinished Business won’t be a sweet surprise anymore. nyeheheh.

 

passing by

i cried when i read your message that you are still used to be waiting in there and look forward to seeing me pass by. i just don’t know but it kills reading messages like those. it is like hoping against hope, expecting for that thing to happen but you know it won’t be happening anymore.

i also miss passing by you. you were always there waiting for me to run into you and kiss the night away because I am going to say goodbye and you will expect me to come safely to where I am destined to go. But all of these have stopped and only God knows if these will happen again.

i have stated to you if what’s gonna happen in the future if i am going to come back. and we haven’t seen any possibility if we can endure again the freedom that we have been enjoying last time.

now, all we have is me and you. i may pass by again, but it won’t be the same.

 

march 8

8 represents something meaningful to me. well, if we remember Kim De Los Santos and Dino Guevarra. ehem. hehehe.

the date is meaningful to me because Im looking forward for that much-awaited day of my life. i do not have the ample time to see him every minute that i wanna see him. twice a month is not always. so, i guess it’s just right to be excited.

nyahah.

 

i can be playful sometimes

how can you be so sure about what i feel?

now you’re starting to challenge me. ill play with it.

you still don’t know me that much.